Part Fifteen: The fifteenth part.

It seems as time goes I become less and less prolific when it comes to posting things here. It's not for lack of material though as I go further from the source memories tend to get hazy, especially when those memories are of times where I was heavily medicated. Part of this lack of motivation is because I don't know what works, what goes over well, what I should leave edited out, etc. From talking to friends I've gathered that when I write about things I don't remember saying or dreams I had it's entertaining and goes over well, whereas some of the more serious bits don't get much of a reaction. Does this mean I should stick with what apparently works and disregard the rest? Not so much. Being a jester's fine, but I'd rather be a bard.

Alright, my brain is getting scrambled from listening to Kanye's "Monster" on repeat ten times or so. I can't say I'm much of a Nicky Minaj fan but damn, girl tears it up on that track.

Since I've spent much of my year on a hospital bed and/or down for the count it's been important to me to get my strength back and be up and active. Mostly this involves jaunts Kelley and I make to the library, grocery store, laundry runs, etc. as well as walks around my neighborhood and downtown. Nothing too strenuous, I'd say a mile to two at a time. Last week was a bit more than usual: Wednesday Kelley and I took a day trip to Salem, MA to see the museums and some of the historic sites.Thursday was another Lahey appointment to see Dr.'s Pomposelli and Piessens which went fairly well; Piessens took me off of antibiotics and though he wanted to, Pomposelli left in my JP drain because despite barely draining 20ml's of fluid every few days, what is draining out is pretty nasty. Ugh. Would you like to know how it feels to have this drain in? Picture being stabbed with a long, thick needle, almost constantly and every time you move the needle jostles and digs in deeper. Yup, that's life with my latest and worst JP. After coming home from Burlington Kelley and I got ready for our weekend trip to Northampton, MA to visit her sister, Liza and her boyfriend Mike. Liza works for the library at Greenfield Community College and Mike is a teacher of the wee children at a local school. We first arrived at the college to see their new library building: a $33 million structure that may as well be gilded in 24 carat gold. As part of their green initiative (haha, Greenfield...green initiative...it works!) the building is both geothermal and solar powered, uses dynamic lighting systems to decrease power usage, etc. After a quick tour we played what was all of our (Kelley, her parents and myself) first game of Bananagrams. Apparently these library folk are pretty cutthroat but being quite the word geek myself it wasn't too intimidating.   After that we killed time at our hotel and met Liza and Mike at their apartment where we also met Liza's adorable kitty Walnut. I was told he was bigger than our boy Zombie but not quite. Zombie's a big ass cat.

                                                                              Zombie.

That night we had dinner at Mike's parents' restaurant, Paul and Elizabeth's, in downtown Northampton. It's one of the two oldest restaurants in town, serves mostly local, organic and vegetarian fare and serves without a doubt some of the best food I have ever had. From the antipasti to the entrees it was straight up delicious. Highly recommended. After that Kelley and I hung out with Liza and Mike for a bit more than retired to the hotel. Fell asleep watching Storage Wars. God bless hotels and terrible television. The next day we did a bit of walking and milling about at this sprawling park in town, specifically to watch some hot air balloonists and visit a tiny "zoo" set up within the park. There was supposedly a wee deer, which we didn't see, sheep, some falcons, lots of chickens, a turkey, peacocks, and a bald friggin eagle. I thought it was illegal to have them in captivity or something along those lines but the fine, Earth-loving folk of Northampton have one locked up in a ten by twenty cage. Do I sense allegory to the state of freedom in this country? Probably not. From there it was a visit to the community gardens where Mike and Liza have a plot where they grow veggies and some flowers, lunch with everyone plus Mike's father Paul where we had amazing potato, red pepper and garlic pizza. We took pics, hugged and kissed goodbye and off home we were.

All told I probably walked miles over those few days and thankfully didn't feel the least bit overexerted from it. Sure there were the usual aches and pains but it wasn't as if I ran a marathon or anything. Maybe I am getting my strength back after all this time. I haven't yet tried to seriously heft Kelley's 104.2 pounds since all this hospital business started but I'm getting there. Speaking of, as I may have touched on before, one of the side effects of all this sick stuff has been my rapid then steady now plateauing weight loss. 235 to 165 in a matter of months. Smallest I've been in my adult life. The reality of it hits me every so often, like today when Kelley and I went to Goodwill I picked up a small Gap button-down and it fit like a glove. Maybe things have changed over the years but I always remember Gap sizes running small. Damn, it's weird putting that thing on. Or sometimes I'll catch myself in a pane of glass or a mirror and just think "holy SHIT I got skinny." It's even more evident when I run into folks who haven't seen me for awhile and the immediate reaction is just "wow." Eerie.

I bring this up because Kelley has mentioned that we used to be a cute couple because I was so much bigger than her and now we could almost swap some clothes. I disagree and say we're still a cute couple.
(Just kidding a little bit there, she still thinks we're super cute...but she DID say those things.)

Ok well I'm trying to deal with some God-awful pain tonight and it's almost time to turn in and continue reading Harry Potter. I'm about 250 pages into The Half-Blood Prince now and Kelley's on me to finish. Until next time, take care of yo' bad selves.

Part Fourteen: A Little Help

My original idea for this post was to detail the history of my life as a musician and how that indirectly led to my pancreatitis. I've been laboring over that entry for over a week now and it just doesn't seem to be coming together in any kind of organic way so I've abandoned it. My idea was to tie together my old bands and friends with my life now using my benefit show as a kickoff point. See, back in March my old bandmates in The Minus Scale along with friends in bands we used to play with put on a benefit show for me and apparently it was a resounding success. It sold out, the crowd loved it and a good bit of money was raised. I am blessed with all of the goodness that people have thrown my way this year and throughout my life in general. Unfortunately my pancreatitis decided to step in and I missed the show because I was hospitalized yet again.

Now, a little history as to why this show and these people getting together to help me out touched me so deeply. Without going into the entire People's History of Padraig Murphy's Musical Career I spent three years playing with The Minus Scale and let's just say things didn't end beautifully. We eventually made amends and I still count them amongst my friends; Ryan and I are starting work on some music I've been writing within the coming weeks. That's one of the great things about shared experience, especially if those experiences involve sleeping on strange floors, logging scores of road miles and living in very close quarters for weeks at a time. I know any one of us could call up the others in thirty years and no matter where we are or what we're doing it'd be like no time had passed. Anyway, back to the subject at hand.

When I found out about the benefit show I was floored, especially when I discovered that it was AJ's idea. Or at least he was organizing it. Of everyone in the Scale when I was involved (AJ, Ryan, Pat, Derek, for a time Mark) AJ and I were the least close despite the fact that we lived together for a year and he and Ryan asked me to join in the first place. I could never put my finger on it but it wasn't like there was friction or anything. AJ's a particular sort of guy and maybe our energies never clicked. He's very methodical and super organized and I'm definitely not. You could almost say I always felt a sort of disconnect or coldness between us so the fact that this special show was in his hands really warmed my heart. Quick story: the first and only compliment I think I ever got from him regarding my music was his comment that the name I came up with for my solo project, Building A Better Robot, was a good name. Three years and that was it. (AJ, if you're reading this and I'm wrong, I apologize!) He had been in contact with my father asking if it was ok that they wanted to do this, where to send the donations, etc. and my father told me while I was still in the hospital. To sweeten the pot I was told the lineup for the show and was stunned to say the least. First, a reunited Minus Scale (though I wasn't going to be playing with them even if I was well and out of the hospital) but also a reunion of one of my favorite local bands, the Human Flight Committee. They had broken up in 2009 and aside from a one-off reunion in 2010 they hadn't played together since. Next there was Too Late The Hero, an amazing band from Maine and brothers-in-arms since my Our Last Summer days. They're very popular around here and I guess they jumped at the chance to help me out. Already three reasons for friends and fans to come out and rock. Originally a band who I'd never met nor heard, Man, The Reformer was supposed to play but had to back out. Replacing them was another band I didn't know, Arms Against A Sea but whom I thanked afterwards for donating their time and energy for my cause. Lastly but certainly not least of all was a dear friend, Cameron Gray. Back in my Our Last Summer days Cameron was the singer for our best friend band, Good Samaritan. He and I have known each other since 2003/2004 and in the years following the dissolution of his band he's made quite a name for himself as a solo artist. This was one of the most killer lineups I'd seen in years and couldn't wait to see it and thank all of these people for helping out. Sadly, my pancreas derailed me and I was forced to miss it. That seems to be a running theme for me this year, missing out on things due to my illness. All told, I've been in the hospital for Christmas, New Years, Valentine's Day, Saint Patrick's Day, the Fourth of July, and very nearly my birthday. I think I was hospitalized for Kelley and my anniversary as well. If I were to sit and count the days I've either spent more time in the hospital than I have at home this year or at least an equal amount of time in both places. That's pretty crazy when you think about it.

Maybe someday I'll be able to repay not just my friends and former colleagues but everyone who has donated to my cause, helped out Kelley or my parents while I was away, family friends, well wishers, everyone. I'd like to think that events like what happened to me bring out the best in people or at least help turn up the empathy meter. People tend to treat you differently when you've stared death in the face and lived to see the other side. Hopefully the goodwill won't end once I get better for real. You've got to admit, it's one hell of a way to reconnect when you start your conversation with "So...I almost died a few times this year and we might not have had a chance to talk again...how's your year been?" Either way, I'm glad I've gotten the chance to rediscover and rekindle old friendships. There's still one guy from my Old Life that I really want to get back in touch with but he's pulling the ol' Artful Dodger on me I think.

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Every day I need to remind myself that I'm blessed and have made it out of a lot of hairy situations this year better than some people in the same position. First there was the pancreatitis and everything surrounding that but now I have the added bonus of a colon reassignment or whatever the doctors call it. During the installation of more JP drains during my last stay at Lahey (starting a little over a months ago) my colon was pierced and waste was spilling into my abdominal cavity. The doctors cleaned my insides out and had to remove a section of my colon so until they reattach everything I only work with a few feet of intestine as opposed to my whole GI tract. What does this mean? My intestine is brought up to my stomach and I've got a colostomy bag on my abdomen to deal with my waste. It's an odd thing to not be able to poop correctly. One of the side effects/bonus? bits to this is my body doesn't process things like fat, cholesterol, calories, etc. like normal people so until they reassign my colon I'm supposed to eat like a fat kid's fantasy. My nurse told me to add peanut butter to everything I can or if the food calls, cheese and bacon. The problem is because of this lack of processing I don't absorb things out of my food like normal people so I need to up my intake quite a bit. Normally I probably eat around 1200-1500 calories a day which is low anyway for a dude my size but now especially they want me eating closer to 4000 calories a day just to maintain weight. I've been dropping pounds like crazy and even though I'm not exactly a tiny guy it's a little disconcerting when I can't at least maintain weight. My diet has literally been cheeseburgers and pizza, peanut butter and shakes. I'm trying to eat healthy but I'm not supposed to eat any real raw fruits or vegetables, whole grains, beans or legumes, nuts, oats...basically things I enjoy eating. I'm trying to embrace this new experience but it's really hard. A good chunk of my year has been spent being NPO and my appetite isn't quite where it should be. I've never been able to stuff myself anyway because if I do, my stomach says "hell no" and things usually come back up. If anyone has any tips or ideas I'd love to hear them.

I think this blog entry got away with me and I'm not really sure what I'm trying to say with it. Maybe the theme is "I get by with a little help from my friends." That's fitting, right? Hopefully I'll get my clarity back soon and get back to writing good, clear and concise entries. Until then, thanks for reading.