It's 3am and I was just rudely awakened by my asshole of a colostomy bag. In my deepest sweet slumber Bob (from here on out I'll call my bag Bob. Why? Because sometimes Bobs are just full of shit) decided to rebel and leak nasty waste/fluid all over my abdomen and legs. This is not an uncommon thing in the grand scheme of colostomy because the bag system has essentially three parts:
The adhesive: skin contact paste and/or an Eakin seal, which is a disc made of adhesive foamy, rubbery material. This marries the skin to...
the flange: another adhesive disc surrounded by adhesive tape for skin contact and on the top side a plastic coupler ring designed to create an air and fluid tight seal with...
the bag: just what it sounds like, a plastic or vinyl bag with a velcro sealed end for waste disposal and sometimes an air vent to slowly disperse gas so it doesn't fill with farts constantly. These things together create a nigh-impenetrable fortress of protection against the waste tunneling through your colon.
The problem with this system is the adhesive on the skin side is entended to block solid or semi-solid waste from leaking, not fluid. Even the sealiest of seals breaks down when constantly being faced with liquid waste and for the past five weeks my "food" has been almost entirely liquid. Liquid in = liquid out. It's only a matter of time before the adhesive gives way and leaks happen. This almost always happens to me at night while I sleep so I end up with the enviable surprise of being covered in liquid shit upon waking. Luckily for my nurses and I I'm used to this eventuality so it's not a big deal to get up, towel off and change the bag while they change my sheets/bed and clean up whatever drips followed me to the bathroom. This particular instance was odd because the consistency of the waste was like that of wet, soppy oatmeal. Mmmm...Quaker Ostomy Discharge.
Anyway, now I'm cleaned up, washed, disinfected and newly bagged. Hopefully this is not a sign of things to come as my life already has enough shit going wrong already. I would have posted informative pictures to illustrate the mechanics of a colostomy bag but this computer/tablet is crazy and I'm still not entirely sure how to use it correctly, at least for writing purposes. That's it for now, sorry if this information was gross and/or off-putting but I'm not in the business of candy-coating things, especially candy-coating bodily waste. Yum. Makes you think about chocolate differently, eh?
Monday, October 24, 2011
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Quick Update: 10.18.11
Sorry kids, not a proper post this time but a quick update. We're now well into week four of the current Lahey visit and back to square one. We tried in vain to insert a peg tube into my stomach so my feedings would be much less prone to problems and discomfort but sure enough my body said "Hells no" and wasn't having it. Back to the old nose grind. Interventional Radiology could step in and try to put it in but the way my insides are acting it may be better to err on the side of caution thi time.
Also, since I've been here they've been routinely assigning student nurses to my case so they get hands on experience and let's face it, with my fun time grab bag of ailments and injuries, plus the fact that I'm not an invalid and can hold conversations with these people, makes me a perfect candidate for student nursing. Normally I don't mind because they students are helpful, attentive, and generally know what they're doing.
Except today.
Today I have a perfectly nice young gentleman, let's call him "Mike," who I think swapped the analytical portion of his brain for a bag of kittens this morning before coming to the hospital. Part of me feels badly because he's a greenhorn and hasn't had really any experience with patients, much less patients with as much going on as me but it's really hard for me to hold my tongue when he just doesnt grasp fundamentally simple things.
Example: I currently have two kinds of nutrition running, TPN through my pick line/IV and tube feeds through the feeding tube in my nose. TPN is very thin, comes in a bag and runs into my arm. Tube feed is more viscous, dark (looks like Yoo-Hoo) and runs into a tube in my nose. TPN = arm. Feed = tube. TPN is supplemental nutrition that I get when a. I can't eat and b. have no tube feeds. It runs at a high clip for 12-24 hours and comes in a massive bag. The tube feed runs a bit slower but we build it up over time. To make a long story short he thought my tube feed was my TPN and was mistaking all of my orders and switching them so if I and/or the nurse didn't intervene I would currently be getting no nutrition after a massive jump in tube feeds that woud have assuredly caused me huge discomfort, nausea and vomiting. As I've said before, I'm no doctor but in this case with this young man I truly do know more than him about this stuff and it kills me to get treated by someone who straight up has no idea what they're doing. Sorry Doogie Howser, not today.
I'll dive into the full, detailed account in a bit but just wanted to get that off my chest for now. I promise we have an epic story/account of events coming considering I'm almost into week five of what should have been a pretty routine hospital stay.
Until then, as always, thanks for reading kiddos.
Also, since I've been here they've been routinely assigning student nurses to my case so they get hands on experience and let's face it, with my fun time grab bag of ailments and injuries, plus the fact that I'm not an invalid and can hold conversations with these people, makes me a perfect candidate for student nursing. Normally I don't mind because they students are helpful, attentive, and generally know what they're doing.
Except today.
Today I have a perfectly nice young gentleman, let's call him "Mike," who I think swapped the analytical portion of his brain for a bag of kittens this morning before coming to the hospital. Part of me feels badly because he's a greenhorn and hasn't had really any experience with patients, much less patients with as much going on as me but it's really hard for me to hold my tongue when he just doesnt grasp fundamentally simple things.
Example: I currently have two kinds of nutrition running, TPN through my pick line/IV and tube feeds through the feeding tube in my nose. TPN is very thin, comes in a bag and runs into my arm. Tube feed is more viscous, dark (looks like Yoo-Hoo) and runs into a tube in my nose. TPN = arm. Feed = tube. TPN is supplemental nutrition that I get when a. I can't eat and b. have no tube feeds. It runs at a high clip for 12-24 hours and comes in a massive bag. The tube feed runs a bit slower but we build it up over time. To make a long story short he thought my tube feed was my TPN and was mistaking all of my orders and switching them so if I and/or the nurse didn't intervene I would currently be getting no nutrition after a massive jump in tube feeds that woud have assuredly caused me huge discomfort, nausea and vomiting. As I've said before, I'm no doctor but in this case with this young man I truly do know more than him about this stuff and it kills me to get treated by someone who straight up has no idea what they're doing. Sorry Doogie Howser, not today.
I'll dive into the full, detailed account in a bit but just wanted to get that off my chest for now. I promise we have an epic story/account of events coming considering I'm almost into week five of what should have been a pretty routine hospital stay.
Until then, as always, thanks for reading kiddos.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Quick Update: 10.13.11
I've been back at Lahey since September 16th (so four weeks as of tomorrow) with no end in practical sight. I've been fighting with my stomach/colon to get nutrition in me and as soon as we find a solution something else goes wrong. I'll go more in depth later, just wanted to put something quick up because it's been far too long. The shorthand?
I am very, very frustrated with the doctors/treatment for the first time and it's making this stay pretty unpleasant. Hopefully some progress can be made so I can finally go home and stay out of here until my colorectal reallignment surgery. Fingers crossed.
Until next time, be thankful for properly functioning organs, kiddos.
I am very, very frustrated with the doctors/treatment for the first time and it's making this stay pretty unpleasant. Hopefully some progress can be made so I can finally go home and stay out of here until my colorectal reallignment surgery. Fingers crossed.
Until next time, be thankful for properly functioning organs, kiddos.
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