Ok, sorry, ran a bit off track there. That and I'm full immersing myself in my latest audio acquisition, the fantastic EP Lost Ground from my favorite friend-driven hardcore band Defeater. If you care anything about majestically heavy and heartfelt music please buy their records or shirts or catch a show. Not only are they bloody brilliant but my old buddy Derek handles vocal duties and what can I say, the boy makes me proud. I'm glad one of us made it out alive.
Back to the story: despite the stifling heat, today went pretty well. Had a delicious scone for breakfast, watched some Dexter with Kelley, ventured out to have lunch with her parents in honor of my upcoming birthday, saw the new Harry Potter movie and picked up some very cheap t-shirts. This boy needs more clothes that fit now that I'm a bit smaller than I was six months ago. My pain level, on a scale of 1 to 10 was a solid 5 today. At times there were spikes but it was just your general consistent pain today. These drains are not very fun to live with, let me tell you. The fluid has a nice stank, my skin gets raw and torn up from having to constantly apply and remove tegaderm patches or tape, and they hurt, pinch, sting, whathaveyou. Especially the one in my back. Oy vey. This guy keeps me from sleeping properly and is a consistent pain in the back (literally! Ha!) Add to that the bonus points of kind of pulling out on its own so my JP doesn't drain properly and the fluid inside me is going nowhere. Great. Can't wait to visit the hospital again for that one. As used to being hospitalized as I am it doesn't make it any more fun. It's always the same: go to Wentworth-Douglas ER for intense pain, nausea, vomiting, infections, get treated and stabilized, get CT scanned and/or X-rayed, find out there's funny stuff going on inside, take an ambulance down to Lahey clinic to get stabilized some more and have Dr. Pomposelli ask why they transferred me or have new drains put in. As I've mentioned in an earlier entry I'm not terribly thrilled about CT scans (I'm going to have another scheduled for next week or so. Number 22 baby!) but that's what Jimmy wants me to do.
The pain is much more bearable these days than it has been and I'll tell you, I don't know how people get addicted to pain killers. Or rather, I know I would never get addicted to pain killers. At least PO/by mouth pain meds. IV meds, sure. There is definitely a certain loopy/rush/oooh feeling when you get IV pain meds, especially when they're something strong like dilaudid. In fact, one of the nurses this last time at Lahey told me about this whole series of YouTube videos about patients going to ERs or treatment facilities and requesting very specific doses of dilaudid and/or phenergan. For those who don't know, dilaudid is basically high test morphine and phenergan is a very potent nausea medication that has the added bonus of causing severe drowsiness. I have a script for it right now, actually. When you combine these two meds you have a very hearty cocktail that I'm often prescribed when I hit the ER when things get really bad. Sometimes they throw in a little ativan too. THAT will put me out. One time they gave me three rounds of that in the ER and sent me on my way. Let me tell you, I was fucked up. No other way to put it. Stumbled out of triage and everything. Mind you, I don't enjoy that feeling and try to avoid it as much as my pain will allow me to. Being in control of your faculties is a big plus in my book.
Back to my earlier point, I have the fortune of not really being affected by pain meds at home. I've had scripts for dilaudid, oxycodine, oxycodone, percocet, darvocet, etc. and not one has made me feel loopy or high. Thank GOD. That's all a recovering alcoholic needs, more ways to get messed up in the comfort of home. Maybe I just got lucky in the genetic lottery and I don't get hit by that stuff like other people do. I know folks that would step over their own mother for some oxycontin and I'm very happy I am not one of those people. Most of the time I try to deal with pain either naturally or with Tylenol or some other OTC pain reliever. Try to stay away from acetaminophen though, that stuff does a number on your liver.
Being as treated as I've been can be a big help sometimes, especially when I'm working with people who haven't seen me before or read my chart. Let me tell you, my chart is pretty hefty. I think the docs and nurses appreciate it that I'm pretty knowledgeable about what's going on in my body. It makes their job easier when a patient is an active participant in their treatment. It's true. If you're in the hospital or anything like that ask questions and listen. You'll be surprised how much help you can be because I'm sorry to burst some bubbles but most doctors aren't geniuses and they sometimes only work in best guess scenarios. Even basic simple stuff helps like knowing the all-too-common question "What would you rate your pain today on a scale of 0 to 10, 0 being no pain and 10 being the worst pain you've ever felt?" Louis C.K. has a bit about this saying why would anyone say anything but 10? Doc, I'm in pain. Give me meds. There is some truth in that but being able to pinpoint more accurately is better in the long run. Example, today I'm rocking about a 5. It's in the middle of the road in terms of my experiences with pain. Sometimes I'll tell them I'm at an 11 because I love Spinal Tap and those are times where it hurts so badly that I really think I could die. It happens less often now but for awhile that was the standard. I'd have to get 1-2 milligram doses of dilaudid every two hours just to stay functioning. Not cool, brah. There was one time at Wentworth-Douglas that was extraordinarily bad and I had pain meds every hour, PO percocet then IV dilaudid an hour later in two hour cycles. One. Two. One. Two. One. Two. Man, I don't want to relive that experience.
It's getting close to time for me to check out for the night so I think I'll do that. Kelley has the New Hampshire Tattoo Convention tomorrow with her friend Cammy and because I opted out of going I've got a whole lot of nothing to do tomorrow. Maybe laundry? Who knows. Hopefully my drains don't act up any more tomorrow. It's bad enough they're leaking and causing me much distress, I don't need any more lip from them. Thanks for your time, dear readers. Tomorrow!
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| Attempting to be clever with my plushy pancreas. Get it?! |
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