Part Seven: A Thousand Words

Asleep at Wentworth-Douglas

Kelley visiting me, I'm totally not attractive.

Tuck me in. I HATED that breathing tube.

Kelley helping me rest.

Merry hospital Christmas.

Vitals at Lahey?

Post-op SICU. I think.

Some of the nasty stuff they sucked out of me in SICU.

Part man, part machine. Couldn't even breathe on my own.

They needed to shave me. Jerks. Very uncomfortable conditions.

More SICU vitals.

Sing me to sleep.

These are some pictures that my father took during my initial hospital stay(s). I don't remember any of these pictures being taken, especially those from Lahey SICU. I remember a bit of my Wentworth-Douglas stay but almost none of my Lahey stay; or at least I'm not sure what memories actually happened or what I dreamt. It makes me sad that I don't remember when Kelley or my parents were there but as the doctors say it's probably best that I don't remember, especially around my surgery. For awhile I thought I was going to be in the hospital for a very, very long time. I was completely helpless and dependent on these machines to supply me with air, food, and getting rid of the junk inside of me. That picture of the canisters with the fluid doesn't really capture how nasty it was to have tubes in my abdomen, back, neck, and sides sucking out this awful gunk out of me. If memory serves it was this dark, necrotic, almost sandy consistency but thankfully didn't really smell. I was lucky compared to some folks with pancreatitis because my fluid was largely trapped in abscesses in my body; some patients have the fluid creep up into their lungs, around their heart, putting pressure on all of their organs. I did end up with respiratory failure and I believe pneumonia that almost killed me.

That's something I take from these pictures and my experiences in general: I almost died. Not just once, but a few times. If the folks at Lahey and Wentworth-Douglas dropped the ball I wouldn't be here. It's not a pleasant thing to think about but it's something that crosses my mind every day. My choices nearly killed me. That's a lot of weight to carry and isn't lost on me at all. 99% of the time I laugh it off and make light of the whole experience but there are those rare times where the reality sets in and I can't handle it. That's one of the many reasons why I feel blessed and fortunate to have had and still have Kelley in my life. She keeps me sane and I don't think I would have made it without her. Apparently when I was under I kept talking about her to my nurses so when she'd visit she'd get told that I spoke very highly of her. Wish I remembered that stuff.  

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And one good thing I've gleaned from this experience was the rapid weight loss. I was HUGE back then. Damn. Because of the experience of undergoing surgery, being NPO (that's "nothing by mouth" i.e. no food or water) for weeks and weeks on end and stress I lost about 70 pounds in three months. Craziness.